I think it’s only natural for us girls to have the thought of “Oh my goodness.. I’m never going to get married.” or even the thought that we’re just simply undateable. I know I’ve thought both of these before and actually more than once. It’s just what we do and feel after we experience a lot of repetitive disappointment and years that pass by without having our Prince Charming.
Throughout my whole life in school (Pre-K through 12th) I never had a boyfriend. I never had been asked out on a date and I never even had boys show interest in me. This made me question if there was something wrong with me. I thought that maybe I wasn’t pretty enough, smart enough or just not good enough to be loved. Everybody was dating or at least dated someone during their time within high school which is why I couldn’t help but drive my attention towards wanting a boyfriend. One memory I specifically remember was when I was about 16 years old attending a friend of mine’s birthday party. Boys and girls were both present and we were all playing the game truth or dare. Whenever it was my turn I chose truth. The question I received was “Who was your first kiss?” I had not been kissed yet and was honest with them about that. Everybody was surprised at my answer and shouted “Girl you need to get with it!” “You’re 16 years old what the heck! How have you not kissed anyone?!” and many other things along those lines. I immediately felt embarrassed and like such a loser. I feared that if I ever did get the opportunity to kiss a boy or date one that they’d think I’m lame since I’d be older with zero experience.
I wish I could go back to that moment and tell my 16 year old self not to worry. Not to feel lame and most importantly to do a better job of trusting in God. Even though it’s hard to see at times, God has incredible plans in store for each and every one of us. We just have to be patient, trusting and accepting of His timing. In order to fall in love with the man that He has set out for us, we must first completely fall in love with Jesus. Sometimes as women I think we lose sight of this. We become so focused on seeking a marriage and family which ultimately results in lowered self-esteem, lack of faith and depression within ourselves due to the years that go by without it happening for us. Rather than focusing so intently on these desires, we should be focusing our attention on the Lord. Our single years are actually our most crucial years because we can fully devote ourselves to God. 1 Corinthians 7:34 says “An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world – how she can please her husband.” So make the most of these years, ladies! Focus on strengthening your relationship with Christ and letting Him prepare your heart every single day for that certain man He will eventually bring you. Even though it can be extremely difficult, it’s all about patience. A lot of the times whenever you’re desperately searching, nothing happens. It’s whenever you let go and let God that Mr. Right tends to pop up!
One thing I see a lot and have also experienced myself is comparison. Back in high school I constantly looked at other girls who were in relationships and found some way to judge/critique them. I thought it made me feel better about myself but it actually did just the opposite. I think I was embarrassed about the fact that I was single for so long and that there were girls who were younger than I was who had boyfriends, got asked to prom, etc. Rather than taking this ugly route, we should be supportive of our fellow sisters in Christ! We don’t know everybody’s story therefore we shouldn’t be quick to judge. Some women who are single in their 30s could even look at me right now and think “Oh she doesn’t really know the hurt of being single.” “She’s only twenty and has already found her man.” Even though I have found my man, it doesn’t mean I haven’t experienced the pain of being single. I certainly have and I know of several other girls who have as well. Keep that in mind!
With that being said, there was a point in my life where I truly did believe that there was no hope for me in finding someone. I let the pressures of this world flood my mind and distract me from what was most important. Little did I know that God had bigger plans and would bring me that perfect man in 2017. His timing is always perfect and sometimes we don’t realize that until later. I definitely didn’t. God knew that there was many things I needed to learn, experience and go through before meeting the man of my dreams. That may be the same case with you right now! In this time of tests and trials, remember to use your single years wisely. Give them completely to God and pray for that future man of yours on a daily basis. Even though it’s hard, never get discouraged. The perfect man who God has designed specifically for you is out there somewhere. You could meet him tomorrow, next month, in a few years or even many years down the road! No matter which one of these it is, it’s all God’s perfect timing. Trust in Him and His will. Don’t look at the girls around you who may have found there’s sooner and become frustrated with God. He’s already written your love story.. it just isn’t published yet. So quit trying to edit what He has already written perfectly. Quit trying to “settle” for less than you deserve. Your story will become available sooner than you think!