When looking at the main photo for this post, I’m sure some of you can instantly relate. You feel stuck in the middle, stressed out and torn on how to maintain healthy relationships with both your boyfriend and best friend. What I mean by this is that things can get tough when your time is suddenly divided in half. Your boyfriend doesn’t understand it and neither does your best friend. Not only that, but how do you get them to connect? How do you get them to understand that they both play extremely important roles in your life? It’s every girl’s dream for her bestie to love her boyfriend and for her boyfriend to love her bestie.. so how do you solve all of these issues in order to get to that point?
Given the fact that I’ve been through and experienced this exact situation, I thought I would share a little bit of my story and some tips and tricks that helped me get out of the “middle” and also brought my best friend and boyfriend together in having a solid friendship. Another thing I will share is the mistakes I made in hopes to prevent you from making the same ones.
To start things off, whenever I started dating my boyfriend (now fiancé) my best friend happened to be dating his roommate at the time. Eventually they broke up and we discovered that he had cheated on her while they were dating which about tore us both apart. I’ve been cheated on before so I knew exactly how she felt. Plus, we share the same feelings. What she feels, I feel and what I feel, she feels. She’s like my sister! We’re seriously that close. Anyways, this incident called for a rocky start to her and my boyfriend’s relationship because he lived with her ex. However, I do want to make clear to you that Olivia and Nick (my best friend and boyfriend) never hated each other. They just misunderstood each other and were more upset with me than anything. At least that’s what it felt like. Hint hint the main photo! To give you a better visual, we took some fun photos to better explain how each of them felt in the beginning.
HOW NICK FELT:
Anytime I would hang out with Olivia or even be around her and Nick at the same time, he would get extremely jealous. At first it made me angry but now I understand that a lot of this was due to a mistake I made. In the beginning stages of us three hanging out, Nick would always be all kissy wissy and huggy wuggy with me like he was every day. (Yes those are cringey terms but you get the picture haha) But what he didn’t understand is that you can’t really do that whenever you’re hanging out with other people. Especially your girlfriend’s best friend. Doing so can make them feel very uncomfortable and annoyed. Therefore, I NEVER wanted to make Liv feel uncomfortable or like a 3rd wheel whenever she was around us. So I started to overly put my attention towards her which sort of left Nick alone in the background. I was so focused on making sure she was alright that I didn’t even think about his feelings. He became quite hurt with me and thought that I was embarrassed of him when in reality that wasn’t the case at all. This leads me to tip #1..
DON’T FAVOR ONE OVER THE OTHER. TREAT THEM EQUALLY AND BE SURE YOU DON’T ACCIDENTALLY LEAVE ONE IN THE BACKGROUND.
Now on to the other half of this story..
HOW OLIVIA FELT:
As most of you girls know, your best friend is basically your sister. They mean EVERYTHING to you. That’s exactly how Liv and I are. Our bond is unbreakable and something I will forever cherish. When Nick and I started dating, it was hard on the both of us because I went from being available almost every day to only a few times a week. However, because Olivia is such a supportive and loving friend, that really didn’t change anything. The issues that existed all stemmed from her connecting Nick to her ex who lived with him. She sort of went into everything having a dislike against him due to that reason. Also Nick and her ex sort of had the same humor which didn’t help in trying to reconnect her thoughts of him in a positive way. As I said above, all I wanted was for them to love each other so I tried everything I possibly could to get them to come together. But what I eventually realized was that I actually didn’t do a very good job in helping them engage with each other. I would talk to each of them separately but never really encouraged them to talk to each other. Nick and Olivia are both very shy people until you come to know them but I didn’t take that into consideration. There was times I would leave the room when we were all hanging out in hopes that they would strike up a conversation with each other but nope… they just sat there and waited for me to get back. With that being said, here’s tip #2..
THEY MAY FEEL SHY OR AWKWARD SO BE SURE YOU HELP THEM CONNECT AND BE THAT SOURCE OF COMFORT THEY NEED IN ORDER TO TALK TO ONE ANOTHER.
To be honest, it probably took about 8 months for these two to really start to connect and for all of us to have that ideal healthy relationship I’m talking about. So it may take awhile, but don’t give up! I promise they will eventually come together and you’ll eventually get out of the middle! As I was trying so hard to get them to become instant friends, it did nothing for me. So for tip #3..
DON’T TRY TOO HARD. BE THAT COMFORT BACKBONE FOR THEM BUT LET THEM COME TO KNOW EACH OTHER IN THEIR OWN WAY. LET THEM CONNECT ON THEIR OWN TERMS EVEN IF IT MAY TAKE AWHILE. DON’T FORCE ANYTHING BECAUSE YOU WILL JUST POSTPONE IT EVEN LONGER.
My heart honestly couldn’t be any happier when seeing the relationship these two now share. They laugh with each other, tease one another and get along so well! It seriously brings the biggest smile to my face. Being stuck in the middle is a pain that you don’t ever want to experience which makes me so grateful that I’m no longer in that stage. There was many nights I would just bawl my eyes out because I loved them both so incredibly much and just wanted them to understand that and for them to eventually connect. This brings me to my last and final tip. I saved this for last because it was definitely the most powerful..
PRAY FOR THEM.
I’ve said it many times and will continue to say it because it really WORKS. Pray for them, guys! God listens and He will answer you! It may not be right away but He will answer, I promise! In Matthew 7:7 it says, “Ask and it will be given to you”. So present those requests to Him! Ask Him to bring understanding upon both your boyfriend and best friend. Ask also that He will bring them together and for them to build a solid friendship. He has the power to do anything! I honestly thought that Liv and Nick would never come together but now they’re the best of friends. That’s all I’ve ever wanted and prayed for! God is so good, ya’ll!
As far as managing to keep all relationships healthy, be sure you spend separate time with the both of them but ALSO time where you all get together! They still need to know you value their alone time but also having together nights are great for continuing to strengthen their relationship with each other. Plus, they are a whole lot of fun! So be sure to keep the right mix and flow of your time. If you don’t, you could end up hurting one of them or stirring up conflict.
Even if it seems like there’s no hope, I challenge you to try these tips first. Don’t be so eager for it to happen in an instant but instead be patient and let everything slowly fall into place. It’s a blessing to say that I now have the best relationship with Olivia and Nick and I couldn’t be more grateful. Not only that but they too share a special friendship which is all I’ve ever wanted.
I hope these tips were helpful and that they help bring your boyfriend and bestie together as well as get you out of the middle! Love you guys!